Servant Boys Don't Get Girls
by Kryptonian-Suckerpunch
Summary: Merlin knows that it is wrong. Merlin knows it's a foolish, boyish crush. But where is the harm in looking at a beautiful girl? Apparently, there is much more harm than he originally thought. (Set in Season one, rated T to be safe)
1. Obviousness

When Merlin came to Camelot, a lot of things happened that he wasn't expecting. He didn't expect to become Arthur's manservant. He didn't expect to meet a talking dragon. He didn't suspect to fall in love with Lady Morgana.

But he did.

Merlin wasn't stupid. He knew that never in a million years would a lady like her love a man like him. He was, after all, a mere servant in the castle. There was no glory in his job, nor was there anything that could possibly impress Morgana. She was the ward of the king, and what was Merlin? Arthur's lowly manservant who often let his awkwardness and morals get the best of him.

Merlin, at first, tried to push his feelings away. He tried not to stare at her whenever they were in the same room. He tried not to oogle at her whenever she got dressed up for an event. He tried not to smell the air after she walked by, the sweet smell of perfume. He tried not to think of how soft her hair would feel better his fingers. For awhile, Merlin was convinced he could reign in these inappropriate feelings until they settled down.

It was harder than he thought, but he still attempted to manage it. The only thing he allowed himself to do was fantasize about her. His thoughts before bed consisted of her, and he found himself looking forward to it during the day. He fantasized about her touch, her smile, her personality. How her body would feel flush against his, how her face would feel in his hands… anything. Of course he felt a bit guilty around her the next day, but he was a hormonal teenager. Wasn't he supposed to act this way? Think such things? He reassured himself that there was no harm in this, only letting his feelings for her die out.

Again, this proved harder than he thought.

Overtime, he had began a friendship with her. They made jokes about Arthur and discussed things in the kingdom, smalltalk and such. He figured that if they became good enough friends with her, his feelings for her would seem silly and he would be able to forget all about them. This plan had backfired.

Being around Morgana, having actual conversations with her, had only made him want her more. She was kind and thoughtful, compassionate about everyone in the kingdom, even servants. Morgana knew the names of almost all the servants, even friends with a few. Best of all, she didn't seem to care that Merlin was much lower on the totem pole than her. She was friends with him because she enjoyed his company, and he was more than willing to give it to her.

Gaius must've noticed the glances Merlin cast in Morgana's direction when she wasn't looking, because he pulled Merlin aside and warned him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Gaius asked, holding Merlin by the arm. Merlin, trying to play it innocently, shrugged. "Being a manservant. My job, you know"  
But Gaius knew Merlin too well  
"Gazing at Lady Morgana as if she hung the stars in the sky is not apart of your job" He told him, Merlin sighing in defeat. "It's not like i'm hurting anybody" Merlin protested, but Gaius would have none of it.

"It'll hurt you, Merlin. You have to stop this, it's no good for anyone" Gaius emphasized his words, making sure they would make their way through Merlin's head. Merlin nodded, knowing that Gaius was right. Gaius was wise and logical, and Merlin knew that it would be best if he followed Gaius advice.

But the feelings and fantasies persisted. He tried to distance himself from Morgana as best he could, but that was hard considering she lived where he worked. He could himself becoming besotted with her, and he knew it wasn't good. But if it was bad, then why did it make him feel so good? Why did that fluttering feeling in his chest feel so great? Why did seeing her make him feel so happy? Why did seeing her laugh make him feel lively? Everything she did, everything she said… she was perfect. Where was the harm in simply acknowledging it?

Even so, Merlin tried his best to avoid her. He ducked into rooms when Morgana entered the hall, he kept his replies to her short, and he kept his gaze on everyone but her whenever they were in the same room. He missed her, of course. He missed making her laugh with stupid Arthur jokes and listening as she talked of her day, but he had no choice. This infatuation with Morgana, as Gaius called it, needed to stop. All it was doing was distracting him.

Arthur, unfortunately, had no qualms about pointing this out in front of everyone.

"Where is your head today, Merlin?" Arthur snapped in an irritable tone as Merlin mis-clipped his armor for the third time. Merlin, who had been gazing at Morgana as she laughed across the field, shook his head into focus. "Sorry" He mumbled in reply, clipping on Arthur's chest piece.  
Arthur groaned in annoyance, impaitience evident. "Your head is always in the clouds, eh Merlin?" Arthur remarked in amusement, rolling his eyes. Merlin scoffed but didn't reply, looking over at Morgana for the 'last time', even though every gaze he'd casted on her was the 'last time' as well.

Merlin always called Arthur an idiot, but Arthur wasn't dim enough to not notice what was holding his manservant's attention. "You're kidding me!" Arthur erupted into loud, bellowing laughter. Merlin felt his face heat up, tips of his ears going pink, but pretended to be confused.

"What?" He asked, voice small. Arthur's loud laughter was attracting the attention of many people around them, only raising the embarrassment of the future warlock. "Oh don't give me any of that" He gave Merlin a push to the shoulder, nearly pushing Merlin to the ground. Arthur had a habit of underestimating Merlin's strength. "She couldn't possibly be interested in you, Merlin" Arthur rolled his eyes, laughter continuing louder than ever.

By now, Arthur's bellowous laugh had caught Morgana's attention. She looked over at them with a raised eyebrows, confusion on her face. Merlin could feel the tips of his ears burn red. "So i've been told. Now go do your stabby thing," Merlin spoke quicky and quietly, giving Arthur a shove onto the field. He thanked his lucky stars that Arthur didn't continue with the teasing, because everyone went about whatever they were doing before Arthur's outburst in laughter.

The rest of the day, Merlin made it a point to avoid Morgana as best as he could. He couldn't risk her asking questions about it, because Merlin was a terrible liar and she would see right through him. He had enough embarrassment for a day, and he wasn't in the mood for anymore. He left the field as quickly as he could, returning to Gaius' place for the rest of the afternoon.

"He's an idiot! Always out to embarrass me," Merlin grumbled, rifling through a box of herbs for Gaius. "It's entertainment for him!" he continued, snatching a handful and handing it to Gaius.

"You have to be more careful, Merlin" Gaius instructed, grinding up the herbs in a small bowl. "And I thought I told you to quit that infatuation with Lady Morgana"  
Merlin groaned, rubbing his temples. "I am not infatuated!" He protested, trying to sound as convincing as he could. "She's a pretty girl and I'm a teenager boy. No infatuations of any kind"  
Gaius smirked, which was his way of saying 'yeah, whatever'. Merlin scoffed too, because he knew that Gaius was right.


	2. Apologies

Morgana's dresses made it frustratingly hard for Merlin to ignore his feelings for her. She picked out dresses that hugged her body perfectly, classy but still enough to catch any man's eyes. It couldn't possibly be fair for someone to be that beautiful. It was as if the universe got tired of being so immense and packed all it's beauty into Morgana, destined to make anyone around her feel like they were amongst the stars.

Given his awkwardness, Merlin was thankful that he was only a servant and not someone who was required to speak with her. Of course, he longed to be a nobleman from another land, a big, muscled man with charm to match a chiseled face that caught Morgana's attention right away. Sure Merlin was tall, but his awkwardness and lack of sophistication kept him from being able to have a full conversation with her.

It was hard to do his job, servicing the party, when she was dressed like that. A gorgeous red dress that hugged every curve she had, a neckline high enough to be appropriate but low enough to make his face heat up. The dress shown her soft, milky white shoulders and her hair was done up with purple flowers that brought out the beauty in her generous eyes perfectly. His whole night was supposed to be servicing the party, but it was greatly occupied by stealing glances at her. He tried to be as secretive as he could, but it had begun to distract him greatly. Merlin, eyes locking on her, had spilled water in Arthur's lap and had tripped over his own two feet many times.

Merlin was mentally scolding himself. He couldn't keep doing this. His thoughts couldn't be consumed with her. His eyes couldn't be constantly on her. It was foolish and pathetic, his crush on her. She was a beautiful lady of Camelot, while he had the royal importance of a blot of ink dripped from a inkwell. Arthur, for once, was right. What chance did Merlin have with her?

He made it a point to keep his eyes off her the entire night. Gaius made sure to watch Merlin every now and then, seeing where Merlin's gaze led. Gaius was pleased that Merlin had picked a good girl to crush on, but he knew there was no good to come from a servant boy crushing on the royal lady. Morgana was a kind and compassionate young lady, but there was nothing Merlin could do besides cast wishful glances upon her.

"Drip water on me one more time and i'll end you," Arthur threatened his servant in a growl, angrily brushing spilt water off his shirt. Merlin blushed in embarrassment, quickly pulling the goblet away from himself and placing it on the table. "Sorry, sire" He mumbled, hating that he had to say that but knowing that it was a part of his job as manservant.

"Still besotted, are you?" Arthur teased, laughing in amusement. Merlin could feel himself turn red all the way up to his ears, casting a look over at Morgana to make sure she wasn't listening in. She was talking to Gwen, laughing her songful laugh at something funny Gwen had said. "Besotted? No no" Merlin spoke quickly and quietly, nervous that someone around would hear them.

"Those looks say otherwise," Arthur teased, only making Merlin more embarrassed. "Honestly Merlin, you're wasting your time. That girl is nothing but a opinionated tease"

Merlin couldn't help but to feel angry at Arthur's words. She wasn't an 'opinionated tease'. She was a classy young woman whom cared about what was going on in her kingdom.

"What's wrong with a girl using her brain?" Merlin spoke back, his voice more defensive than he wanted it to be. He spent a lot of time thinking about Morgana and how she was perfect in every sense of the term, so it was natural for him to continue this words to anyone who would listen.

"She uses it too much, if you ask me," Arthur replied in a uppity tone, taking a sip of his goblet. Merlin frowned, casting another look over at Morgana. She looked over in his direction as if sensing his gaze, and Merlin quickly looked away. He was quick to make sure there was no risk of Morgana finding out. Arthur knowing was enough to make him anxious.

"Well you don't have a brain, so I can see how you wouldn't understand someone else using their own"

Merlin couldn't have picked a worse time to say this. Uther, whom was walking past them to greet someone else, picked up on Merlin's words.

"Excuse me!" Uther exclaimed, louder than Merlin would've liked. This had caught almost everyone's attention, and much to Merlin's displeasure: Morgana was one of those people. Great, just what he needed. Morgana to see him being scolded. What a turn on.  
"You will not speak to your future Prince in such ways" Uther scolded, giving Merlin a harsh shove to the shoulder. Merlin stumbled back like the skinny boy he was, nearly falling flat on his bum if he hadn't steadied himself in time.

The room was silent and even Arthur seemed shocked. All eyes were on them, but all Merlin could feel was the feeling of Morgana's eyes. Everyone looked upon him with scrutinizing gaze, but Morgana's was full with compassion. It was as if her gaze was a beacon of warmth, bestowed upon him. The feeling almost made him feel better about the angry man in front of him.

"I want you to apologize to Prince Arthur!" Uther spoke in a sharp voice that made Merlin flinch. Merlin knew that Uther was only acting so harshly because he was around other noble people, he too was under scrutinization. But even then, Merlin was scared. Merlin turned to Arthur and stumbled on his words a bit, but Uther interrupted him.

"On your knees. You will show him the respect he deserves"

This made Merlin feel even worse. Getting on your knees in front of another man was an act of weakness and submissiveness, proof that Merlin was below everyone in the room in height of importance. Getting on his knees in front of everyone was embarrassing enough, but that was definitely not how he wanted Morgana to see him. He spent a lot of time thinking up ways for her to see him differently, more worthy of her, but this was definitely many steps back from his goal.

Still, he couldn't disobey Uther, especially around so many people. With a sigh and a chest full of embarrassment, Merlin got to his knees in front of Arthur. Arthur looked almost as uncomfortable as Merlin. Arthur looked up to his father but always had a softer heart, which was lucky for many people in their future kingdom.

"Apologize. Now!" Uther snapped in such a loud voice that it made Merlin flinch again. Merlin bowed his head and cleared his throat.

"I am sorry, Arthur"  
That wasn't good enough for Uther.  
"That's Prince Arthur, boy" Uther corrected. Merlin apologized again using the correct title, trying to make his voice sincere enough to be satisfactory for Uther but quiet enough in the foolish hope that Morgana didn't hear him.

Merlin rose back to his feet and everyone began continuing as they were before. He did his business as a manservant. The only people he talked to were occasional words to Gaius and whispered smalltalk to Gwen. The only good to come from this was he no longer looked at Morgana, but this was out of shame.

He'd never be good enough for Morgana. He knew it, but that didn't mean he had to be happy about it. In fact, it was killing him.


End file.
